I’m going to get real again today. Apparently these early mornings bring out the philosophical side of me? Anyway, today I want to touch on my happiness journey again (trying to pull myself out of the muck of yesterday I guess) and one thing that played a huge part in being a happier person. It’s probably going to sound so simple, but it was something I realized recently.
Fact – after having Ollie I lost a lot of weight from breastfeeding (and likely new parent stress if we’re being honest). I was down to sizes I hadn’t seen since high school. And I will admit, I liked it. Although I’ll admit to having a little reverse body shaming at the time, “Wow, Beth, you’re so skinny.” “I wish I could be that skinny.” “Must be nice to be so skinny.” “Well you’re just a little bitty thing aren’t you?” At first I was kind of obsessed with staying down to that size, maybe because of some of those comments. I was healthy about it, I ate regular meals, but Nate and I were seriously tracking calories. And I was kind of denying myself treats. The biggest hang up for me? Donuts. I wouldn’t eat donuts because I was so afraid of the calories. I was also not really doing ice cream or other sweet treats. I let myself have a cookie at lunchtime and that was pretty much it. Eventually our lifestyle started to shift a bit, we relaxed our rigidness, we weren’t so serious about counting calories, I stopped breastfeeding, I adjusted to parenthood and well, some weight came back. But I was and still am ok with that. Last year I wrote a post about accepting my body and that still holds true now. In the end, I actually didn’t love being that super skinny. It didn’t make me happy.
You know what makes me happy? Eating donuts with my son. Enjoying an occasional ice cream cone in the summer time. Snacking on Dark Chocolate Peanut M&Ms while we watch a movie. PMS-eating Chex Muddy Buddies. You see where I’m going here? I am happier if I let myself enjoy those treats. So simple right? I don’t overdo it. But I no longer deny myself. I’m not going to be defined by my clothing size or the number on the scale. I’m of average weight and height and that’s fine. I eat a well balanced diet. I exercise. But I eat the damn donut. And I enjoy it.
I am not here to offend anyone actively dieting and working to lose weight. Those things are important for health and I get that. So please know that is not my intention in this post. Your journey is your journey. Mine is mine. But in my journey, life is too short. So I choose happiness. I choose the donut.